Please Note: The interactive nature of this sermon may make it difficult to understand in written form. To see it in context, I invite you to check out the YouTube feed of our Erev Rosh Hashanah service, at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6onJeysRl1A&t=2347s
Both Sides Now
Erev Rosh Hashanah 5786
September 22, 2025
Rabbi Alan Cook
Sinai Temple, Champaign, IL
Oh, but now old friends, they're acting strange
And they shake their heads and they tell me that I've changed
Well, something's lost, but something's gained
In living every day.
I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all.[1]
Joni Mitchell was only twenty-one years old when she penned those lyrics. Over the years, she’s revisited the song multiple times, including a stirring live rendition at the age of 78, shortly after having survived a near-fatal brain aneurysm. I think we can fairly assume that time and age have perhaps shifted Mitchell’s perspective somewhat.
Hopefully, this happens to all of us: as we grow, we’re better equipped to consider a myriad of perspectives on a given situation—to look at things from “both sides.” Yet still, we may find ourselves struggling to understand our place in this world. Even after the many battle scars we may earn as we navigate through the hours and days and weeks, we likely still find, like Ms. Mitchell, that we really don’t know life at all.
But perhaps the quest for an ultimate answer ignores another aspect of the searching inherent in the song’s lyrics. Joni Mitchell declares that she’s looked not only at life, but also at love and at clouds from “both sides now.” Surely, we don’t live in a purely binary world—yes or no, black or white, left or right and so forth. Surely life, and love, and clouds are all complex, multi-faceted experiences that invite us to approach them from a variety of angles. If Socrates was correct in his musing that “The unexamined life is not worth living,”[2] then we owe it to ourselves to look at life and its various situations not merely from “both sides,” but from every angle possible.
It's a challenge, to be certain. In recent decades, pundits and politicians alike have increasingly urged us to enter into silos, to wall ourselves off from those who may think differently; vote differently; or come from different religious, ethnic, or socio-economic backgrounds. The implicit message is that we can’t possibly find any commonalities, and so there’s no point in even trying to find space for dialogue.
Now let me be clear: not every issue or ideology can or should invite multiple approaches. I hope we can all agree, for instance, that evil ideologies such as Nazism or white supremacy—may they both be eradicated from existence—should not have any apologists trying to find a redemptive arc in their belief systems. But there are plenty of other issues in our world that do present their complexities, and we can be open to the fact that our neighbors may approach them with a different attitude than we do.
Many of you know that I have worked very hard during my tenure here at Sinai Temple to strengthen interfaith relationships within our community. It’s not always easy—there are social and political issues and closely-held personal or denominational beliefs that can occasionally present themselves as stumbling blocks. But I continue to believe that there is value and beauty in building bridges, and that it can be done without compromising the core tenets of our faith. And while it’s true that the nature of some of our alliances has shifted in a post-COVID, post-October 7 world, I shudder to imagine how much more lonely and isolated we would be if we hadn’t begun exploring and nurturing those friendships many years ago.
And for more than 120 years, our congregation has striven to nurture relationships within our own sacred community. Many have referred to us as “a family of families,” and I believe that moniker is apt. We are there for one another in times of simcha and times of sorrow. We have found common cause and common joy in sustaining this holy congregation, and each of us in our own way contribute to its ongoing success. Do we always agree completely with one another? Of course not! We’re Jews!
But seriously, we have sought ways to make any disagreements machlokot l’shem shamayim, arguments for the sake of heaven.[3] We don’t expect that there will be universal agreement from every member on every issue that may confront us; many of you have heard me paraphrase educator Vivian Gussin Paley in saying that homogeneity is fine in a container of milk, but it has no place in our congregation.[4] Yet it is important that we interact with one another in a manner that recognizes that even when we disagree, we maintain many shared values: love of this sacred community, passion for our Judaism, the desire for future generations to inherit a better world.
Sinai Temple’s board and leadership have dedicated ourselves over the past year to strive to build an atmosphere in which we can confront difficult issues, around which there may be disagreement, in a respectful manner. We began last summer and fall with Conversations at Sinai, providing a number of opportunities for members to express their feelings on challenging topics. More recently, we have engaged with Rabbi Fred Reeves of the One America Movement, who has facilitated several trainings and conversations aimed at avoiding toxic polarization.
I want to clear up a few potential misconceptions about our work with One America: One America doesn’t espouse a particular agenda or ideology, nor are we using our work with them as an effort to enshrine a particular mindset within the culture of our congregation. While Sinai Temple does have particular values to which we adhere, and implicit norms that guide our congregation, I take seriously our mission to strive to create a home in which all Jews of East Central Illinois can feel welcome. Our work with One America is not aimed at changing anyone’s mind. Rather, we are seeking to allow for various perspectives to be expressed respectfully, and when we disagree, to ensure that those differences manifest positively and do not lead to toxicity and divisiveness.
To that end, we’re going to try something tonight that is a bit non-traditional—in more ways than one. I’d like to invite you, if you are comfortable doing so, to take out your cell phones and scan the QR code appearing on the screens now. This will take you to some anonymous survey questions. Again, these are anonymous; no personal data is being collected. These questions will help us to understand who we are as a congregation.
1. I feel comfortable being honest about my views, even when they differ from others in this community.
(1 = I often hold back, 5 = I feel totally safe being honest)
2. When I disagree with someone here, I still feel respected and valued.
(1 = I often feel dismissed, 5 = I feel heard and respected even in disagreement)
3. I believe our synagogue values diversity of thought and experience.
(1 = Not really, 5 = Absolutely — it’s part of who we are)
4. I know how to have a disagreement without damaging a relationship.
(1 = I struggle with this, 5 = I feel confident and skilled)
5. I believe we can grow stronger as a community by learning how to disagree with love.
(1 = I’m skeptical, 5 = I wholeheartedly believe this)
[Rabbi comments on results of each question…e.g., Thank you all for your candor in your responses. While these results may indicate that we still have some ground to cover in strengthening our community’s ability to navigate disagreements in a loving and caring way, it is an effort into which we desire to invest our time and energies.]
Now, we’re going to attempt to tackle some of this work through some discussion. Our time is necessarily limited this evening by the structure of our service, but I encourage you to maintain the conversations you start here tonight throughout your High Holiday gatherings. Additionally, we’ll offer opportunities throughout the year to delve back into these topics.
I want to ask that you cluster yourselves into groups of two to four people. Ideally, find someone in a row in front of or behind you, rather than someone you came with tonight. I’ll ask you to take a few minutes to be vulnerable with one another. Of course, I recognize that due to the limitations of space and the format of this gathering, we’re not going to magically solve any meta-issues this evening, and we likely won’t have time tonight to delve into these matters with the depth that they deserve, but we can begin to identify areas of interest and concern.
Each person in your group is going to have one to two minutes to respond to the questions that appear on the screen. If you are not the one speaking, I ask you to listen openly, with the intent of understanding, not responding. Even if you disagree with what is being shared, remember that we are here to support one another, not to challenge or silence.
Please decide the speaking order in your groups. Here are the questions:
How can we practice disagreement that is honest and compassionate? What gets in the way, and how might we work around those barriers?
[Six minutes, with time announcements approximately every two]
I greatly appreciate the energy I saw and heard a number of you putting into these conversations, and I’m sorry to have to cut them short. I hope that in the coming year, we will all continue to seek out such opportunities for dialogue—on our own, and in the congregational context.
As we enter this new year, and greet one another with the traditional blessing, “L’shanah tovah t’kateivu, may you be written for a year of goodness,” let us note: the goodness that we wish for one another is not defined as a lack of conflict. Instead, we pray that we will be able to bring blessing even into difficult conversations. We pray that we will build upon our congregation’s rich and vibrant legacy to continue to develop a community in which it is safe to be real, safe to care, and safe to wrestle with issues and with one another.
Ken y’hi r’tzon- may this be God’s will. Ken y’hi r’tzoneinu- may it be the will of each of us to make it so.
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